Wednesday, June 9, 2010

My Angel grew wings

Hello family and friends. Some of you may or may not know that our sweet baby grew wings and went to be with God. When Scott and I went for our first doctor’s appointment on June 1st we received the most heart wrenching news…that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. The baby should’ve been measuring 9 weeks and was only measuring 7 weeks so it looks like we lost our baby about 2 weeks before or first appointment. I had no signs of a miscarriage which makes it that much harder to believe. My doctor recommended that I have a D&C because I was already so far along and she said I would be in a lot of pain if I let it happen naturally. So this past Monday at 4:00 I went completely under, entered the OR and had that procedure. I’ve had many friends who have had miscarriages, but you can’t fully understand what a person is going through during a time like this until you’ve actually gone through it. I am lucky enough to have an amazing support system consisting of my family and friends. I don’t regret telling people about the baby early on because I can’t imagine going through this alone. I have closure now and am at complete peace about this event in my life. The hardest part of this process was trying to figure out how to say goodbye to my unborn baby. Well…a friend of mine told me that it would come to me when the time was right and it did. I was at church this past Sunday and during the end of Mass while I was kneeling I told my ANGEL that I will always love them, never forget them and that I give you wings so that you can fly to heaven to be with our Heavenly Father. I told my baby that I would’ve told him/her all about God and I hope that someday he/she is sitting with God and he is telling him/her all about me and the kind of mother I would’ve been. Later that day while playing in the sprinklers with Mason a beautiful butterfly stopped by and flew around Mason and I dancing in the water that the sprinklers were putting off and almost landing on Mason and I several times. It hung around for at least 20 minutes and I can’t help but think that, that was my ANGEL with its new set of wings stopping by for one last goodbye.

My sister found this poem for me and I wanted to share:

"Daddy please don't look so sad, momma please don't cry.

Cause I'm in the arms of Jesus, and he sings me lullabies.

Please try not to question God, don't think he is unkind.

Don't think he sent me to you and then changed his mind.

You see I'm a special child, I am needed up above.

I'm the special gift you gave Him, a product of your love.

I'll always be there with you, so watch the sky at night.

Look for the brightest star and know that's my halo's brilliant light.

You'll see me in the morning frost that mists your window pane.

That's me in the summer showers, I'll be dancing in the rain.

When you feel a gentle breeze from a gentle wind that blows.

Know that it's me planting a kiss upon your nose.

When you see a child playing and your heart feels a tug,

Don't be sad mommy, that's just me giving your heart a hug.

So daddy don't looks so sad and momma please don't cry.

I'm in the arms of Jesus and he sings me lullabies!



Jessica said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica said...

Hi Jennifer, I am so very sorry for your loss. And you are so right, it is good that your family and friends knew early on because they were and are able to support you. I had a friend share a very similar poem with me, it was called, Just Those Few Weeks. If you have time, look that one up too. I hope you are feeling well. Take care.

waltonsinaustin said...

Very sweet. That butterfly was your little angel, and your angel will probably visit you several more times in different forms in your life. You've done so well through this whole situation. I'm so glad you're feeling okay and can move on. Love you!